Bringing Home Baby
The Joy, The Insecurities, The Hopes and the Dreams
It seems like just yesterday that I gave birth to my son on June 18th, 1992. I was young and while I was very excited about being a mom, I also had a lot of fears too!
I couldn’t wait until I brought him home from the hospital to begin our journey together. I counted each little toe and finger as I held him tightly in my arms, never wanting to let go. At first, I was scared that I might break him – silly isn’t it? It took a little bit of time to get the bottle heated just right – I was always so afraid of scorching his little tongue. His first bath was the worst fear that I ever had. I made sure not to lose grip of him for the life of me. Then, of course, everyone was offering me advice and telling me that I shouldn’t do this or I should do that. I couldn’t please everyone and it really began to take a toll on me. I began to question myself as a mom. Was I doing everything right? Was I good enough? Am I a good mom? Questioning myself was exacerbated by postpartum depression (something that I didn’t even realize I had at the time). I would cry for no reason, felt all alone and the simplest of tasks would feel akin to climbing mount Everest. I was happy/sad, glad/mad, irritable and angry for no apparent reason at all -sometimes all at the same time. People began to think I was crazy. After a while, I tuned out those around me and learned that I needed to do what I thought best. To take what I wanted and leave the rest. My “baby blues” as some called it went away after some time (about a few months) and after that, my motherhood experience and being a mom became joyful and everything that I had anticipated it to be.
There were so many milestones that I looked forward to such as his first haircut.
I lived for my son and did everything for him (sometimes at my own expense). That’s what moms do – right? I read to my son all the time, did crafts and went on adventures to the park and so much more. I wanted my son to experience the world through touch, sight and sound. I tried my best to document everything too! Unlike today where photos can be taken in a split second by a phone or other device, I had a camera with film that was always costly to develop. Pretty much all my photos of my son are in print.
Baby: First Christmas
Baby First Adventures: Marineland
Park Play Days & Picnics
Baby: First Birthday
Baby Growing up too Fast: First School Trip: African Lion Safari
My son was a great baby. He slept through the night and didn’t cry a whole lot (only when he needed something). As a toddler, he cleaned up his toys without any problems, he was kind, gentle and caring. I was a such a proud mom. I must have been doing something right! He was picked on a lot because of his gentle nature and as he grew into his teenage years, we thought it was best to move out of the city. There was just too much violence and we thought that country living would suit us best and be more beneficial to him.
We took to country living like a duck does to water, however, my son had difficulty adjusting at first. Attending a new school and making new friends was only half the battle. We had moved to a farm that had not been a working farm in years. There was so much work to do. Adjusting to farm living wasn’t easy for him. Then the day came where we got all farm equipment and the animals. It was then that he began to thrive. From the age of five or so his favorite show on television was Mighty Machines so much so that I had an inkling that he may grow up to be a heavy machine operator – to which I wasn’t that far off. On the farm, he loved learning to use the tractor and drive the vehicles around the property. He learned to drive a standard when he was 14/15 and started learning mechanics and working on vehicles and the farm equipment at the same time. He was way ahead of his peers while taking his auto mechanics coarse in high school.
Although he would never admit it (especially back then), he had learned a lot by living on the farm which is something that city living would never have afforded him. He gained hands on knowledge that he has and continues to use into his adult life – especially in his employment. Right now he is into landscaping and construction and has just acquired his DZ license.
He is a grown man now (25 years old) and has been on his own since he was 18. After he moved out, I began thinking more and more about babies. I found myself saying to my hubby “I’d love to have another baby. Wouldn’t it be nice to hear the pitter patter of little feet once again” to which he replied “Hell No!” Not at his age anyhow. I would see friends with their grandchildren or friends who are having more babies and as soon as I get the new baby scent, I begin to melt. I wish they could bottle that scent. Joking over the years I have said to my son “I’m going to be a skeleton before I have a grand-baby”! -lol- and once in a while show him a meme or two of what I look like waiting.
He has met the love of his life and has started a family of his own. I had the pleasure of being surprised not too long ago finding out that I am going to be a grandmother sometime in February. I’ll be hearing the pitter patter of little feet once again 🙂
I cried my eyes out, I was so happy (and my son did too).
Right now, the little peanut is just over 13 weeks old (in utero).
While I so very much want to give advice – I won’t – or at least I will TRY not to! I bring myself back to my early motherhood years and hearing the constant advice from others. I don’t want to do that to my son and his partner. I will give my thoughts – if asked and of course be an on call babysitter.
The only advice I would offer right now to them is this: Communicate! You are going to disagree – it’s natural. You come from two totally different backgrounds and each have a way or at least an idea of how you want to do things. Compromise! Don’t try to rule over one another or think your way is the best way – meet somewhere in the middle. You both have a wonderful road ahead of you – have fun – don’t sweat the small stuff – make precious memories and enjoy it while it lasts because they grow up way too fast!
The insecurities and fears I had as a new mom were overcome with time and my hopes and dreams for my son are coming true. He is a decent, kind and caring productive member of society that is happy, healthy and has found love. That is all that any mom can really wish for – right?
Christine is the proud mother, a soon to be grandmother and a fur mom to one ‘fur baby’, a dog named Tracker who is never far from Christine’s side. A devoted gardener, during the spring and summer months Christine can normally be found tending to her flower and vegetable gardens. Living in Southern Ontario near Lake Erie, Christine enjoys spending time outdoors and is an avid hiker.
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